In My Head-and not paying rent

In My Head-and not paying rent

For a number of years, I have been told resentments will tear me apart if I don’t deal with them. I was told, and it remains true today, that resentments are like a tenant in an apartment building who occupy space but pay no rent. The space in my head is at a premium, and I need it to be occupied gainfully. I can’t afford freeloaders.

“It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harbouring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.”© 2001, AAWS, Inc., Alcoholics Anonymous, page 66

I draw much of my strength from things learned from the 12 steps as written in the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous. PLEASE BE AWARE that while the publication was written for those with problems with alcohol, the principals of the steps have long be recognised as a model for any human being to live a healthy life mentally. Forget the word alcohol as written above UNLESS it applies to you. Resentments are a grave malady for all human beings if allowed to live on in the head, and are not dealt with.

I have found that in dealing with my own past, as much as I did not think I was carrying them, I had some deep seeded resentment that I really had to dig out, and I had carried them below the surface for decades. They truly did shut me out from appreciating the full sunshine of life.

While along way from perfect even today, I became aware of the resentments I was carrying through work directed by others, and following the guides of the steps. To the best of my ability, I have dealt with long standing resentments, and in doing so, have been able to grow spiritually and grow as a person.

My journey to a better life came because of an inner feeling that there was a better life available.

Along the journey, I have faced some real issues, including addictions to substance and behaviours. Identifying and dealing with resentments played a huge role in the recovery of a life that has hope and serenity as key elements on a daily basis.

Perfect? No. Improved? Yes.

Are resentments occupying valuable space in your head and not paying rent? Are resentments keeping you from living the life you desire and deserve?

You do have a choice and freedom is available to those who are prepared to change.

It Is Only On Loan

It Is Only On Loan

Those who know me know that I’m an avid golfer. Every now and again, and usually out of the blue, I have a remarkably good round. The one lesson a friend instilled in me is that “it is only on loan”. That usually proves to be true!

While reading today, I came across the following that certainly reminded me of the adage, and took it deeper.

“Life is a series of letting go's - an "infinite" series of letting go's. All things in life are given us on loan. . . . Once we have learned to let go, we are prepared for whatever life gives us. And death itself is nothing to be feared.
--Matthew Fox

For many years, I resisted the concept of letting go. I resisted mostly because I didn't understand what people were talking about. I'd be loudly obsessing about something. "Just let go," they'd say. "Okay," I'd say. Then I'd walk away and wonder what they meant, and mostly how to do it. Soon, I caught on.

Letting go is a behaviour we can practice each day, whatever the circumstances in our lives. It's a behaviour that benefits relationships we want to work. It's a helpful behaviour in insane relationships, too. It's a useful tool to use when we really want to bring something or someone into our lives, and in accomplishing our goals. It's a helpful tool to use on outdated behaviours such as low self-esteem and manipulation.

Letting go takes the emotional charge, the drama, out of things and restores us to a sense of balance, peace, and spiritual power.

Letting go works well on the past and the future. It brings us into today.

Paraphrasing the mystic writer Matthew Fox, everything that comes, comes to pass. Demystify letting go. It's not as complicated as it sounds. Learning the art of letting go really means learning to calmly let things be.”

These are certainly wise words, easier to look at and intellectually accept than put in to practise.

There are emotional situations, primarily revolving around family, that do happen in life. My tool kit tells me to let go; but easier said than done. Some of these thoughts have played on me a caused stress and little black clouds!

My inability to let go immediately has caused doubts in some of my basic beliefs, but then sanity returns.

As I look back as to what was really bothering me a month ago, I appreciate it was “only on loan” as was the last great golf game I had. Time to go to greener pasture and see if I can loan it back. I’ve let go of what happened yesterday and know today is a new day!!

Humility or Humiliation?

Humility or Humiliation?

Where humility had formerly stood for a forced feeding on humble pie, it now begins to mean the nourishing ingredient which can give us serenity.

Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 74

When I made a decision to take my life in a new direction, and reached out to get help, I was told I needed to be humble.Humble?

My mind immediately raced and told me that to be humble, I would have to embarrass myself, and I’d had enough of that! I didn’t relate the inability to be humble, or lack there of, with things like being unable to accept a compliment with grace, having to make sure you knew who I know, and so one! I had accomplished much in my life, but could not accept that with humility. If you gave me a compliment, I couldn’t just say thank you.

How often do I focus on my problems and frustrations? When I am having a "good day" these same problems shrink in importance and my preoccupation with them dwindles. Wouldn't it be better if I could find a key to unlock the "magic" of my "good days" for use on the woes of my "bad days"?

I already have the solution! Instead of trying to run away from my pain and wish my problems away, I can pray for humility! Humility will heal the pain. Humility will take me out of myself. Humility that strength granted to me by that “power greater than myself is mine for the asking! Humility will bring balance back into my life. Humility will allow me to accept my humanness joyously.

Today, I can enjoy my successes. Today, if I get a compliment, I can truly say a simple thank you. This massive change in my life is truly a gift, and a gift that is available to all!!

Why??-Do they.

Why??-Do they.

Another great question that came from a friend. If we replace the word alcohol with any of a hundred words, the question and response are every bit as relevant.

Why does he behave like this? If hundreds of experiences have shown him that one drink means another debacle with all its attendant suffering and humiliation, why is it he takes that one drink? Why can't he stay on the water wagon? What has become of the common sense and will power that he still sometimes displays with respect to other matters?

Perhaps there never will be a full answer to these questions. Opinions vary considerably as to why the alcoholic reacts differently from normal people. We are not sure why, once a certain point is reached, little can be done for him. We cannot answer the riddle.

© 2001, AAWS, Inc., Alcoholics Anonymous, page 22

So have you pondered this question in your own life?

For me, the solution came in working the steps and making new footprints in life. It was suggested that I work them as I become ready, that I be guided through them by someone who had walked before me, and that I worked them in order. The results I’ve experienced and witnessed tell me the advice was sound!

People, who are basically sane, and usually intelligent, revert into “other” people when active in their addiction.

We pondered the “whys” at a great meeting last week and thoughts like “too smart” and “not at Bottom” came forward. As stated above, the riddle has no answer.

Why doesn’t matter, accepting what is and doing something positive about it does! There is hope for all who really want it! We welcome your questions.

Denial is not a river in Egypt!!

I Got An Unmerited Gift. Interested In One Too?

I Got An Unmerited Gift. Interested In One Too?

By definition, unmerited means undeserved, and the gift I was given, the gift of life recovery-was seemingly undeserved. Why me?

The question has no answer that I understand.

For a long period of time, my life was in decline, some periods slow, some much more rapid and obvious to others. I was “too smart” to think anything was wrong. I was “too smart” to listen to the signals from others and away “too smart” to get help!

My personal relationships were in decline, to make an understatement, I wasn’t feeling good about myself, my mood altering activities were not doing what they once had done and my job performance was not nearly as good as it could have been. But I was functioning and showing a face to the world that said “I’m Fine”. I wasn’t.

While I have always tried to “give back” in my own way to things I was involved in, and was always there to help others, I know today while well intended, these things were part of the mask I wore. I wanted external validation that I was OK and liked.

The unmerited gift came right out of the blue. I don’t know why me.

To oversimplify, through a marital situation, I sought outside help. This help lead to another professional, to coaching and to therapy. It also lead to a support group. For some unknown reason it dawned on me, if I were that smart, why I had hit the lows that I hit.

I chose to get out of my own way and try something new. I sought help, and I sought change. While addictions certainly played a role in my past, what I truly wanted was a life with hope, serenity, feeling feelings, loving unconditionally, and the laughter and restful sleep I knew others enjoyed.

The gift had been waiting there for me for years. It is waiting for all who want it. To get it I had to get dumb, get out of my own way, and learn to trust. I have been fortunate to receive this unmerited gift, and it grows in its blissfulness everyday.

I wondered out loud today about why so many I see who have hit a “low” just don’t get it even when it is offered to them. Wise people explained to me that most of them are “too smart” or too something to get it. If they’re lucky, they’ll dummy up and get it.

I am grateful that I was chosen, on an unmerited basis, to get the gift of an abundant and rich life. It is there for all who need it.

Are you interested in getting a gift??

ARE YOU READY FOR CHANGE? It’s Coming.

ARE YOU READY FOR CHANGE? It’s Coming.

“The reality is that changes are coming . . .They must come. You must share in bringing them.
--John Hersey

Change. It's scary. It's hard. It's needed. Sometimes it feels good; other times it feels bad. But one thing is for sure: it keeps on happening.

Just when our life seems settled, it changes. We can't stop life. We can't stay this age forever. The world changes. Life moves on. There are always new things to do and learn.

Change means we're always beginners in some ways. We need to ask for wisdom and courage. We get it by listening, by praying, by meditating. When we ask, our Higher Power will teach us to be part of good changes.”

Hard to add much to the truths as quoted. In the spirit of life, I must suggest that you can prepare and be ready for change with mentoring/coaching that is in keeping with the philosophies above.

There is life after addiction in abundance. There is life after inner pain. It requires change. Are you ready??

And on the same day, but on topic:

ll miracles keep offering new opportunities just when I need change and growth. New friends have shown me hidden truths in those sayings that I once found so shallow. The lessons of tolerance and acceptance have taught me to look beyond exterior appearances to find the help and wisdom so often lurking beneath the surface. All my sobriety and growth, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, are dependent upon my willingness to listen, understand, and change.

© 2001, AAWS, Inc., Alcoholics Anonymous, page 542

Little Dark Clouds

Little Dark Clouds

Some days I feel like a cartoon character and not my beloved Popeye.

I am the person you see in the cartoons with the little black cloud over my head every where I go. I’m thankful that I don’t get this way often, and know it will pass, but the feeling is here, right now. I think some call it depression, I call it a funk!!

I have been on a journey to an improved life for a long time! I coach people on balance and goal setting, and work with many in addiction recovery. Yet I was there, in a funk, black cloud and all.

It’s now gone.

Why??

Simple stuff that I should remember, yet frequently don’t, and then pay the price.

Yes, there is a bit of real stress in my life at the current time. A couple of things have happened involving family and friends that have rattled me, and in one particular instance left me with a financial mess I truly didn’t think could happen.

Reason for concern, not a funk!

I took a time out today. Had a great lunch and walked 5 miles in a green pasture with friends I enjoy. I took the time to appreciate the beauty I was surrounded by and got some meditation time in.

And guess what?

The funk has lifted and the sun is shining inside again!

Even having kicked around for a long time doesn’t exempt me from minor depression! I’ve had great teachers, but some times I forget what they have ingrained in me about mental hygiene and life balance. It is easy to just forget what keeps me sane; I get caught up in life as do most people, and forget to do what needs to be done.

So there we go, I feel like Popeye again. I’ve got a client to coach this evening, and I’m glad I’ll be 100% there for her!!

For what I have been taught, and the higher power that guides me, I am truly grateful.

As Popeye said, “I am what I am”.