Humility or Humiliation?

Humility or Humiliation?

Where humility had formerly stood for a forced feeding on humble pie, it now begins to mean the nourishing ingredient which can give us serenity.

Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 74

When I made a decision to take my life in a new direction, and reached out to get help, I was told I needed to be humble.Humble?

My mind immediately raced and told me that to be humble, I would have to embarrass myself, and I’d had enough of that! I didn’t relate the inability to be humble, or lack there of, with things like being unable to accept a compliment with grace, having to make sure you knew who I know, and so one! I had accomplished much in my life, but could not accept that with humility. If you gave me a compliment, I couldn’t just say thank you.

How often do I focus on my problems and frustrations? When I am having a "good day" these same problems shrink in importance and my preoccupation with them dwindles. Wouldn't it be better if I could find a key to unlock the "magic" of my "good days" for use on the woes of my "bad days"?

I already have the solution! Instead of trying to run away from my pain and wish my problems away, I can pray for humility! Humility will heal the pain. Humility will take me out of myself. Humility that strength granted to me by that “power greater than myself is mine for the asking! Humility will bring balance back into my life. Humility will allow me to accept my humanness joyously.

Today, I can enjoy my successes. Today, if I get a compliment, I can truly say a simple thank you. This massive change in my life is truly a gift, and a gift that is available to all!!

Why??-Do they.

Why??-Do they.

Another great question that came from a friend. If we replace the word alcohol with any of a hundred words, the question and response are every bit as relevant.

Why does he behave like this? If hundreds of experiences have shown him that one drink means another debacle with all its attendant suffering and humiliation, why is it he takes that one drink? Why can't he stay on the water wagon? What has become of the common sense and will power that he still sometimes displays with respect to other matters?

Perhaps there never will be a full answer to these questions. Opinions vary considerably as to why the alcoholic reacts differently from normal people. We are not sure why, once a certain point is reached, little can be done for him. We cannot answer the riddle.

© 2001, AAWS, Inc., Alcoholics Anonymous, page 22

So have you pondered this question in your own life?

For me, the solution came in working the steps and making new footprints in life. It was suggested that I work them as I become ready, that I be guided through them by someone who had walked before me, and that I worked them in order. The results I’ve experienced and witnessed tell me the advice was sound!

People, who are basically sane, and usually intelligent, revert into “other” people when active in their addiction.

We pondered the “whys” at a great meeting last week and thoughts like “too smart” and “not at Bottom” came forward. As stated above, the riddle has no answer.

Why doesn’t matter, accepting what is and doing something positive about it does! There is hope for all who really want it! We welcome your questions.

Denial is not a river in Egypt!!

I Got An Unmerited Gift. Interested In One Too?

I Got An Unmerited Gift. Interested In One Too?

By definition, unmerited means undeserved, and the gift I was given, the gift of life recovery-was seemingly undeserved. Why me?

The question has no answer that I understand.

For a long period of time, my life was in decline, some periods slow, some much more rapid and obvious to others. I was “too smart” to think anything was wrong. I was “too smart” to listen to the signals from others and away “too smart” to get help!

My personal relationships were in decline, to make an understatement, I wasn’t feeling good about myself, my mood altering activities were not doing what they once had done and my job performance was not nearly as good as it could have been. But I was functioning and showing a face to the world that said “I’m Fine”. I wasn’t.

While I have always tried to “give back” in my own way to things I was involved in, and was always there to help others, I know today while well intended, these things were part of the mask I wore. I wanted external validation that I was OK and liked.

The unmerited gift came right out of the blue. I don’t know why me.

To oversimplify, through a marital situation, I sought outside help. This help lead to another professional, to coaching and to therapy. It also lead to a support group. For some unknown reason it dawned on me, if I were that smart, why I had hit the lows that I hit.

I chose to get out of my own way and try something new. I sought help, and I sought change. While addictions certainly played a role in my past, what I truly wanted was a life with hope, serenity, feeling feelings, loving unconditionally, and the laughter and restful sleep I knew others enjoyed.

The gift had been waiting there for me for years. It is waiting for all who want it. To get it I had to get dumb, get out of my own way, and learn to trust. I have been fortunate to receive this unmerited gift, and it grows in its blissfulness everyday.

I wondered out loud today about why so many I see who have hit a “low” just don’t get it even when it is offered to them. Wise people explained to me that most of them are “too smart” or too something to get it. If they’re lucky, they’ll dummy up and get it.

I am grateful that I was chosen, on an unmerited basis, to get the gift of an abundant and rich life. It is there for all who need it.

Are you interested in getting a gift??

ARE YOU READY FOR CHANGE? It’s Coming.

ARE YOU READY FOR CHANGE? It’s Coming.

“The reality is that changes are coming . . .They must come. You must share in bringing them.
--John Hersey

Change. It's scary. It's hard. It's needed. Sometimes it feels good; other times it feels bad. But one thing is for sure: it keeps on happening.

Just when our life seems settled, it changes. We can't stop life. We can't stay this age forever. The world changes. Life moves on. There are always new things to do and learn.

Change means we're always beginners in some ways. We need to ask for wisdom and courage. We get it by listening, by praying, by meditating. When we ask, our Higher Power will teach us to be part of good changes.”

Hard to add much to the truths as quoted. In the spirit of life, I must suggest that you can prepare and be ready for change with mentoring/coaching that is in keeping with the philosophies above.

There is life after addiction in abundance. There is life after inner pain. It requires change. Are you ready??

And on the same day, but on topic:

ll miracles keep offering new opportunities just when I need change and growth. New friends have shown me hidden truths in those sayings that I once found so shallow. The lessons of tolerance and acceptance have taught me to look beyond exterior appearances to find the help and wisdom so often lurking beneath the surface. All my sobriety and growth, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, are dependent upon my willingness to listen, understand, and change.

© 2001, AAWS, Inc., Alcoholics Anonymous, page 542

Little Dark Clouds

Little Dark Clouds

Some days I feel like a cartoon character and not my beloved Popeye.

I am the person you see in the cartoons with the little black cloud over my head every where I go. I’m thankful that I don’t get this way often, and know it will pass, but the feeling is here, right now. I think some call it depression, I call it a funk!!

I have been on a journey to an improved life for a long time! I coach people on balance and goal setting, and work with many in addiction recovery. Yet I was there, in a funk, black cloud and all.

It’s now gone.

Why??

Simple stuff that I should remember, yet frequently don’t, and then pay the price.

Yes, there is a bit of real stress in my life at the current time. A couple of things have happened involving family and friends that have rattled me, and in one particular instance left me with a financial mess I truly didn’t think could happen.

Reason for concern, not a funk!

I took a time out today. Had a great lunch and walked 5 miles in a green pasture with friends I enjoy. I took the time to appreciate the beauty I was surrounded by and got some meditation time in.

And guess what?

The funk has lifted and the sun is shining inside again!

Even having kicked around for a long time doesn’t exempt me from minor depression! I’ve had great teachers, but some times I forget what they have ingrained in me about mental hygiene and life balance. It is easy to just forget what keeps me sane; I get caught up in life as do most people, and forget to do what needs to be done.

So there we go, I feel like Popeye again. I’ve got a client to coach this evening, and I’m glad I’ll be 100% there for her!!

For what I have been taught, and the higher power that guides me, I am truly grateful.

As Popeye said, “I am what I am”.

Self-Reflection

Self-Reflection

-we all need it

So far, it’s been a really interesting day. Things are now quiet, and I am reflecting on a few things that have happened lately.

In response to one of my journals, I got some very constructive feed back on content and approach, and some constructive feedback on my web site which I can incorporate to make it more helpful, and to hopefully increase the amount of work I am doing.

This morning, I had the opportunity to work with two very different contacts.

One is in Europe, is mature in life experiences, and is focused on recovering from a life where some of the same experiences I went through are common to both of us. So were the ways we dealt with inner pain. I have been on the journey of recovery much longer than her, but am thrilled and amazed to be a witness to her growth. We share a common language in more ways than one, a language of the heart, and it impacts our sessions in a very special way. She brightens my life!

I have also worked with a young man this morning that is in the early stages of building a career. He has so much going for him, and it is a thrill to see the good things that are within him come out. He is setting goals, adjusting as is practical and making steady progress and practicing some new behaviors that will lead him to career and life success. In a very different way, he helps keep me centered!

These things feel good; they are the purpose I feel is my life!

I realize that I can seem like I have my “poop” together, and can get what was lovingly referred to “preachy”. I am trying to learn how to change that, and make it easier for people to relate.

Each day when I journal, I try to come straight from the heart, and the primary thought is to get things that are inside of me outside! Fact is that the lousy days for a good piece of time have been few and far between. I have had a ton of help, and I try to acknowledge it regularly. I’m in the “helping” business because I believe in it personally. I love working with people as a “guide” on a life recovery journey because I love the journey.

It blows me away that statistically, about 10% of the population are affected by addictions, and at least as many are affected adversely by self-esteem issues. Hard to have a good life on the outside when you’re a mess on the inside! I learned this the hard way! Yet with so many “struggling” out there, so few get help, get hope, or get serenity and do not realize abundance in their life. A real pity.

If I can help a few, it’s a win/win. My clients and those I do “service” work with on a daily basis give me at least equal to anything I can offer them, and they add to the richness of my life. I’m grateful. Life has its ups and downs. On the whole, at this moment in time, while not being what I want 100%, I’m in a pretty happy space and spiritually grounded! This, I believe, gives me something to offer to others.

Once again, I encourage comments and questions to anything I publish! There is a world of experience out there that I can learn from.

Upon reflection, I know my journey is uphill, but progress is slowly occurring!! Thank you, by reading this, for being part of the trip.

Do You Paddle Your Canoe?

Do You Paddle Your Canoe?

“As one goes through life, one learns that if you don’t paddle your own canoe, you don’t move.”

This comment is attributed to the late Audrey Hepburn, and if she didn’t make it, some one should have. It gives lots to think about.

I go through the normal ups and downs in life. Generally my “highs” are not over the moon, nor my lows in the depths. This is because of the journey I’m on and the great things I’ve been taught about life balance.

I learned many years ago that I benefit from the help of others, and am not afraid to ask for help and sound out ideas. There are many around who have a better knowledge in some areas than I will ever have, or want to have for that matter. I’ve benefited, and still do, from great coaches, mentors and friends who I trust and whose directions I respect.

Ultimately, I am responsible for paddling my own canoe.

We need a map and direction, but the responsibility for action lies firmly with me. I have a strong spiritual foundation, and my relationship with my higher power is constantly growing. That force, in most areas, is my compass, and I remember that daily in prayer and meditation.

I have been given the tools and direction. I am responsible, if I want positive movement in my life, to paddle the canoe using the tools provided.

I honestly do the best I can, and some days are far better than others. Do you paddle your canoe?

If you say yes, you’ll love the journey!

This seems to be my week for 2 day golf tournaments. Saturday’s round is done, and I’m still in the hunt. With Greg Norman doing it in the British Open so far, there is “hope” for seniors. By Monday, I’ll have all the golf answers!